pray you catch me: part three

We never did have that sit down conversation that Sunday. 

As soon as I got home, he rushed off like he had somewhere to be and the opportunity slipped away. 

I was hopeful about the conversation we started earlier, but still anxious about the hickey I noticed on his neck earlier as well. After being supportive of his music endeavor all week with this photo shoot, I was now actually wondering where he really rushed off to. 

The entire day was draining and by evening, I just wanted to block everything out and rest. I put our daughter to bed, I myself got into bed, and I was for sure ready to wind down for the evening.

By 10pm he still wasn’t home. He kept texting me throughout the evening with reason after reason as to why it was going to be that much longer until he got home. He finally called me and by this hour, the photo shoot apparently ended, and he was now at the office with his boss working on a project that was due early that Monday morning. 

It seemed odd, but in the moment, I just accepted it and told him to text me when he was on his way. After we got off the phone, in lieu of the new start we spoke of earlier, I went into my phone to edit his picture to change it from just a picture of him, to a picture of us. As I clicked on the edit option, I saw that we were sharing GPS locations. 

His location was at the Sheraton hotel across town. 

Clearly this was a mistake. I exited out the app to refresh, re-entered the edit option under his name, and again…. our shared location informed me he was at the Sheraton. 

I felt my adrenaline rushing, and my heart beating faster as it seemed to continue to just drop to the floor. I started texting him to ask him where he was to see if he was in fact there. He called me, and in all surprise, responded that he had no idea why the phone GPS would say that, and that he was that way earlier in the day but not now. 

Yeah… OK. 

I left it alone for the moment. The next thing I remember is being extremely anxious about the situation and just trying to sleep it off. It had been a weird day, he wasn’t home to explain himself, his communication with me was choppy, and I was at home with our daughter asleep, so there wasn’t much I was going to be doing, andI just wanted to sleep into a new day and start over. In hindsight, I think I was just numb to everything happening in the moment. 

As I tried to fall asleep, he called me and it sounded like he was getting into a car to go somewhere. He said that he was now going to spend the night at his boss’ house and he was on his way home to pick up some clothes. 

I could now see him, on the GPS, driving from the Sheraton Hotel to our house. 

Nothing about that made sense because his boss had his own car and we lived closer to his job than his boss. Instead of blowing up on him (which I still hadn’t done at this point), I suggested several times that he just stay home with me. I gave him every reason as to why it wasn’t a good idea to spend the night elsewhere and why he should just go to work from our house. 

In my head honestly, I wanted to see if he would take the bait. I wanted to see if he would break down and be honest. I wanted to see if he would choose me at that moment. Wasn’t sleeping at home with your wife and child upon your wife’s request, now at around 2am, more important than anything else?

Nope. It wasn’t. 

I watched him drive from the Sheraton Hotel to our house, come into our bedroom, go into the closet, pick out some clothes, and proceed to kiss me on my forehead goodnight. I rolled over from pretending I was sleep, and knowing in my heart this was his last chance to choose me over…whatever else was more important…I begged him to stay home.

He made his final excuses, left the house, and drove away…

…Back to the Sheraton Hotel. 

Once he got back to the hotel, which I could see, he texted me to tell me he got to his boss’ house OK (His boss lived nowhere near the Sheraton by the way). I finally told him I didn’t think he was where he said he was, and I sent him all the screenshots I had taken on his drive to and from the hotel. 

He then stopped sharing his location services with me. 

At this point I felt like I had three options: 1) Get up, drive to the hotel, bust up his car that I was sure to find there, find out who he was staying with and make her regret that she got involved with a married man, 2) Go completely Waiting to Exhale on his stuff in front of the house, or,  3) Keep me and my 3 year old safely at home and not put her in harm’s way and expose her to behavior that could damage her at some point. 

I chose option 3… cried…and eventually fell asleep. 

Monday morning came around and he called me from work. Longer story short, I confronted the events played out from the day before, and he finally admitted that he was seeing someone else that week

My emotions were on every negative spectrum possible. I was numb, but still felt so sad..so angry…so embarrassed. It almost was like an out of body experience. Of all the incidences I endured within my marriage, this topped the cake…and was my last straw. What made it worse for me was all the hopeful conversation just the day before, the promises of “no more women”, the caked on lies about where he was all week, making me miss time with friends, the chances I gave him to be honest the night before, the opportunity to choose me… and none of it mattered. He wanted what he wanted at that moment, and that moment cost him a whole family. 

I requested that he not come home, that he could pick up his stuff later that week, and that I wanted a divorce. I would figure out everything else later. That situation left me with no more chances to give, no more “benefit of the doubts”, no more grace… emotionally I just had no more left. Within a 24 hour span of time, I went from hopeful about my marriage and wanting to try again, to feeling completely void, just a shell, with no more marriage, no more husband… and barely any me left. 

“My lonely ear, pressed against the walls of your world, 

I Pray to catch you whispering,

I pray you catch me listening,

I’m praying to catch you whispering,

I pray you catch me…”

-Beyonce 

Photo by Elina Krima on Pexels.com

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