the other woman.

There are some women who have no idea they are “the other woman”.

They are lied to, their trust is gained with lies or manipulations, and they are made to feel exclusive as if they are the only one…but they’re not. They are total victims to the drama and baggage of another’s life, and in the process, their heart completely sacrificed and shattered.

Some women enjoy being “the other woman”. They enjoy the game and the secrecy and the chase. They enjoy the lack of commitment and the variation, and the feeling that they have a “one up” on the “main woman”. Instead of having her own husband or boyfriend, she has everyone else’s….

And she likes it that way.

Then, there are some women who don’t mean to be the “other woman”. They technically are because they are dealing with someone in a relationship already, but in their mind, all the choices being made and the situation at hand are constantly being justified. They have no guilt, thought, or moral conscience about it. To them and their support circle, the relationship is simply “relationship goals”.

I’ve dealt with each of these types of women in past relationships, and unfortunately, the stories are endless. I’ve had women who were innocent bystanders get entangled with me and the guy I was dating or married to because he wanted the best of both worlds. I’ve had women deliberately smile in my face and befriend me while trying to get with my boyfriend or husband. I’ve also had women in my previous marriage who knew he was married, but because of their own justifications, still wanted to be made a part of his life. They justified being the seasonal mistress as “just” being his friend, when really, they were just the other woman enabled by him and his emotional issues.

I’ve never been a “serial cheater”, but because I have cheated once, I understand how lines can be crossed when someone feels unfulfilled and they become weak to outside temptation. There is always a reason and psychology behind why people cheat. Temptation is everywhere. I get it…

But that accountability, in my opinion, will always rest on the cheater because no one can make you cheat; There is always a better, more respectful, way out that will cause less damage to a person’s heart condition.

As a woman, It has never interested me to have someone else’s… anything…let alone their man. I’ve always wanted my own, I don’t want to share, and what I feel my worth is requires the monogamy of my partner. Those are just my desires. Everyone is different. I don’t like the emotional mess and drama of it all…but unfortunately… I have gained much experience in this area.

In previous relationships, as emotional as it has been to learn that my partner was cheating on me with other women, I’ve never blamed the women for what happened. I’ve never “went off” on any of the other women, or even disrespected them in any way; most of them I’ve never addressed at all (some I did).

Those other women were never in a committed relationship with me. None of them took vowels with me. None of them had any obligation to me….so my energy was directed at him most of the time.

That doesn’t make it any easier not to want to confront the other woman…

but when you think about it, what’s the point? Then what? What’s are you accomplishing other than a moment of pride and superiority? You confront her, try to prove some points, show her your relationship is legit, and then…. he keeps sneaking around behind your back still?…

It’s really to each it’s own, but I wouldn’t waste the energy on her unless absolutely necessary, but across the board that “necessary” is subjective.

In these situations, the cheating partner is who you need to make a decision on. Do you want to forgive? Do you want to move on? No matter the decision, keep that energy with the person who is supposed to be committed to you. Don’t waste your time on the other woman.

Of course cheating happens on both ends of the spectrum, but just in my personal experience, it would be nice if women would respect each other and not put another sister through this type of trauma and heartbreak. I think respect starts with self, so the more women who start to respect themselves, know their worth, and know they don’t deserve “second pick”, perhaps the less these incidences would occur.

Don’t enable cheaters to cheat by knowingly becoming “the other women” and disrespecting yourself in the process.

The grass is not always greener on the other side, and if you become “the other woman” and then expect monogamy in your relationship… just be prepared to deal with “the other woman” in yours as well. 

Photo by cottonbro on

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